Home » How to Be a Complete Idiot in 30 Steps | Lost in Spain

How to Be a Complete Idiot in 30 Steps | Lost in Spain

Firstly, let me set up the scene. I was in Lugo, Galicia – Spain for 10 days and I decided to visit A Coruña. It’s two hours away by bus. I arrived around 2 pm, I had a bus back at 8 pm. So here we go, the story about getting lost in Spain.

1. When you get into the new city, don’t trust Google maps when it’s saying you’re going farther away from the spot you were meant to head to. Keep on going in the wrong way for at least 40 minutes.

2. When you do realise you went wrongly, don’t take the city bus to save wasted time. Walk randomly in such a way that it will take you even longer to get back to square one.

3. After 2 hours and more than 8 km later, when you do get back, rest for literally 5 seconds and keep on walking. You’re not tired anyway.

4. Ignore being hungry and just eat some light snacks you brought with you.

5. Take your time to shoot videos and photos by the ocean.

6. When you finally get to the main point of attraction, don’t check the time to see how much you have left until you need to catch the bus back to the other city.

7. Climb 234 stairs and enjoy the perfect view from Torre de Hércules, but don’t bother to look up exactly how to get to the bus station.

8. When google maps says it’s gonna take you one hour to get there on foot and the bus leaves in one hour and a half just shut down any thoughts of taking a bus and keep on walking.

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9. Also don’t bother to check exactly how to get there. You clearly know where you’re going. Right? Right?!

10. Being too hungry (it’s been 6 hours since your last proper meal) decide on the spot to buy a sandwich from one of those vending machines.

11. Be amazed by how the sandwich actually is being warmed up and when to take it out, block the damn little door that would give you access to the sandwich. Close the door again just to get 0 sandwiches. And 0 money.

12. Decide to call the number written on the machine. You moron, like you’d be able to explain in Spanish what happened!

13. Talk for 10 minutes with the person. Explain there’s no point being called later for someone to bring you the money the following day since you’re leaving in one hour from this city. Explain? Fail in explaining since again. You don’t speak Spanish even if you understand it!

14. Leave the place losing €2.20 and still being hungry.

15. Buy food 3 minutes later from a bakery and start eating on the street once again not paying attention to the road.

16. Pass by a bus stop, look at the three buses waiting for people to go in and keep on walking down the street.

17. Five minutes later, exactly when you started to doubt the way you were going, be back in front of the tower. Panic.

18. Panic some more and decide to take the first bus that’s coming towards you since you conveniently were at a bus stop.

19. Ask the bus driver „estacion del autobus”? And follow his instructions to go one more bus stop up, where you just came from, and take bus number 4.

20. Only now look at the clock: 40 minutes to reach the bus leaving the city.

21. Be happy that bus number 4 comes in the next 2 minutes. Pay €1.30 and then, at the next bus stop, the one you ignored before, panic again when the bus driver stops the bus completely and gets off.

22. Bus is leaving in 5 minutes or so says Google. It takes around 25 minutes to get to the bus station and it’s exactly 30 minutes until the intercity bus leaves. Math was never your strongest point, but from all your calculations the result is the same: you’re fucked.

23. Panic the fuck out.

24. Exactly when the bus driver returns, see on the other side of the road some taxis. Leave the bus just in time to make the bus driver very confused and take the first taxi.

25. Breath. You forgot to do that in the last 15 minutes.

26. When the taxi driver asks you what way you prefer for him to take just use the only bit of Spanish your brain can still remember: „mas rapido, por favor”. Pay 8 euros for a taxi.

27. Arrive at the station in time and finally breathe happily you made it.

28. Five seconds later panic again. Your bus is nowhere to be found.

29. Ask a bus driver. Then ask a girl. Ask another bus driver. Then, ask another woman.

30. Finally find the bus, get on it and forget to eat because it’s for sure forbidden to eat on the bus.

P. S. I walked around 15 km that day. So getting lost in Spain was worth it?

P.P.S. This happened back in 2017 before starting my South American trip when I improved my Spanish.

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